Why Do Kids Bully Other Kids

Even once you’ve recognized that your child has either of these problems, you can’t hope to help before you learn exactly why do kids bully other kids. Here are some of the more common reasons.

Trying to fit in

Regardless of how much time, love and effort you invest into raising your child and instilling proper values into them, your influence is not the only one they are exposed to. A lot of who they are and how they behave will be a product of the out-of-home environment, i.e. their friends and their broader social circle.

Even if your child doesn’t have a natural predisposition for it, they might turn to bullying other children simply because of peer pressure and the desire not to be bullied themselves. This kind of groupthink is often most obvious and intensive online, where it is not uncommon to find examples of massive harassment campaigns focused around a single victim.

Trying to stand out

Some kids bully because they want to be left alone, others do it because they actually want the attention. They often feel like their ability to exert social or physical dominance over their peers somehow elevates them, makes them more popular or even admired.

While this kind of misconception may have originated at home, it is just as likely that it has been created by their interactions with their peers. 

That is to say that, even though it is possible that the child is feeling neglected by the parents, and bullying others is a way to draw attention to themselves; it is also within the realm of reason to assume that the child developed the problematic attitude simply by observing other children and their behavior. 

Taking it from home

As difficult as this may be to admit, sometimes parents are the ones that have created the model of behavior that the child cannot help but reflect onto their environment. 

If a kid is constantly bullied at home, either by their siblings or by the parents themselves, they are very unlikely to find empathy, compassion and understanding for others on their own. If the people responsible for building your view of the world and helping you navigate it are constantly mistreating you and asserting their power over you, you can’t really be expected to adopt a healthier attitude towards your surroundings. 

It goes without saying that this kind of influence is far more sinister and profound than the ones coming from outside of the home. The fact that parents who act this way have often been treated similarly when they were children is tragic on its own, but it is by no means an excuse to perpetuate the cycle of abuse and misery.

However, while you do need to make sure that your attempts at disciplining your child don’t even come close to crossing over into abuse or bullying, that is not to say that you can afford to be completely lax with them either. 

Feeling entitled

On the other side of the spectrum from the abusively disciplinarian parents, we have those who allow their kids to get away with murder, and thereby doing them almost as great a disservice as the former group.

While it is much easier to understand a parent’s desire to coddle and protected their child than it is to accept the fact that some people are simply tyrants to their kids; this is not to say that you can allow yourself to overindulge in this kind of leniency.

As difficult as it may sometimes be to discipline your child when they deserve it, failing to do so gives them an extremely warped idea of how the world really works. They will get used to behaving any way they please without any consideration for the potential consequences of their actions. This entitlement makes them feel superior to others, unable to admit they might be at fault, as well as extremely narcissistic and self-absorbed. 

Jealousy and low self-esteem

One of the reasons some kids adopt the facade of a bully is just so that they can cover up their own perceived inadequacies. 

Even though some bullies might seem self-assured and perfectly comfortable in their own skin, this is rarely the case. Instead, bullies often turn their attention to those kids that possess the qualities that the bully lacks. If a child is often chided by their parents about not being studious, obedient or smart enough, they are not only likely to start resenting those qualities, but also those possessing them.

Of course, it is not only character traits that bullies can be envious of, it can be anything that they don’t have – a stable home, social status, academic success, etc. By bullying other children, they are trying to assert at least some kind of superiority over them, in hopes of making their deficiencies seem irrelevant.

Lacking social skills

While it is true that a lot of bullying is motivated by relatively sinister impulses, it has to be said that some of it is more a matter of crossed wires than malice.

Good-natured teasing and play-fighting has always been a part of the bonding ritual between children, the problem is, kids sometimes get carried away in either and lose track of where the fun stops and bullying begins.

Younger children who are still only getting the hang of social interactions are especially susceptible to bullying others without even realizing the effect they are producing. Remember, kids need to learn how to be considerate of others, it’s not something that just happens on its own. 

If a child has not been exposed to different environments and types of social interactions, finding out what is and isn’t acceptable may require them to do some experimenting with the limits of people around them. While some of the behavior displayed during this exploration may be characterized as bullying, as it is a product of inexperience, it often corrects itself as the child grows older and more aware of accepted social norms.