Teaching your kids how to be respected and how to respect others is an important lesson best learned while young. But every child needs a different approach, and on most topics parents are forced to be creative and innovative to really reach out to them and show how to be the better person. Just because kids tend to soften us in a way that we let them have it their way in some occasions doesn’t mean that are no boundaries on how to behave. So once they are old enough to understand advanced concepts it’s advisable to start teaching them respect. Here are a couple of examples on how to do that and elevate your parenting skills so that you push your little ones in the right direction behavioral vise.
The most important thing when teaching children respect is to be the example of a person you want them to be. This means that once they are old enough, you should change your behavior around them, as well as your reactions to their mischiefs. For example, during the period when child tantrums are most frequently manifested it’s good to start showing them that those outburst will be tolerated only to a certain extent. If you notice that they are having a bad time because they’re teething or having mood problems due to lack of sleep or due to other difficulties that may occur while growing up, you should show them how that kind of behavior will only get them so far in terms of getting what they want. But after that period is over, they’ll have no excuse to behave in such a rude matter.
That’s when you start to be the example of a person you want them to be. So limit your reactions to their outburst, and calmly explain why it’s bad to behave in such a way. Not only that they won’t get what they want, but them might as well make the situation even worse. Also, if they are talking back, just ignore them until they’re completely calm and ready to talk. Be sure to explain how they can express their feelings and emotions but not to do so while interrupting someone who is already speaking. Be loud and clear about these terms and you’ll come to understanding.
No matter how emotional their outbursts may be or how much mess they make, it’s important not to validate that kind of behavior by showing that you care. By reacting to their mischiefs in a way that you show your emotions you’ll give them another reason to make more mess and in a way support that type of behavior. They’ll get the satisfaction and they’ll be inclined to do so again, only next time the damage will be greater. That’s why it’s crucial that you stay calm. Do not give them the satisfaction of reacting in way they want you to react and calmly tell them to stop or there will be consequences. It’s appropriate to introduce detention either by instructing them to stand in a corner or cleaning their mess without anyone’s help.
Also, explain that that is not a way to treat their parents and that there is always a better way to show discontent. Show them that you can talk about anything and that words are always a better way to resolve the matter. This way you’ll give them a chance to understand their feelings and think about their actions before they even happen. Your kids will develop social intelligence this way and become a better person. They’ll also learn how to respect your authority and learn a lot about cause and effect. Teaching kids respect isn’t easy, it’s a long, tiring process but the outcome is definitely worth the hassle.
Sometimes even the best approach will have to wait as timing is everything. To show them how to respect and be respected you’ll need to time your approach and monitor their behavior. To do this, simply observe their actions during the day and try not to react as much. This will give you a chance to see their developing character and plan your speech next time they do something disrespectful. Be strategic and be ready to make sacrifices in terms of breakage or enduring general mess in the apartment caused by their emotional outburst. Distance yourself from showing emotions during this period, but don’t let them think that this type of behavior is acceptable.
Be mysteriously quiet but demonstrate discontent with gestures and short instructions. Once you start figuring out the best approach and time of the day to have “the talk” proceed calmly and show them that they shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it. After a while, you’ll fully understand their character and know how to proceed and explain how disrespectful behavior gets them nowhere. Show them the alternative and compare both outcomes. Show them what’s the outcome of being disrespectful and what could happen when they start to show respect, stop talking back and limit their outburst. This way they’ll have no choice but to change their ways and this lesson will mean a lot for them, especially later in life. They’ll learn to think outside of the box, and easily find alternative solutions while working on their creative problem solving skills in the process.
Just like with monitoring their behavior, finding the cause of their discontent needs time. With this technique you aren’t limited with your reactions, but you will have to act up when it’s time to do so. Just because you’re secretly monitoring their behavior doesn’t mean that you should avoid giving them detention. But be sure not to punish them for the thing they’re doing wrong just so you don’t blow your cover. For example, if you notice that they are being disrespectful because they don’t like waking up early in the morning so they can prepare for kindergarten, give them mild detention for a random bad behavior until you’re 100 % sure that they don’t like waking up early and that that is the cause that makes them behave in such rude matter.
Only once you’re clear of the cause can you approach them with this topic and try to find a solution. Either introduce a nap time during the day, or try with activities that will tire them so they’ll have quality sleep. This way, they’ll wake up in the same time to prepare for kindergarten but they’ll do so after a good night sleep. They’ll be more energetic and fresh when they wake up and in general in much better mood than before. You’ll notice that they’ll change their ways, how they talk and ultimately it will affect your relationship.
We all make mistakes, after all we’re only human and it’s only natural. But to make a mistake, hurt the feelings of others and not apologize is simply put wrong. Having twins can be tiring, and even if that’s not the case I think we can all agree that parenting takes a lot of energy. This is exactly when chances for making a mistake grow. But as said before, mistakes happen. What’s important is how you behave afterwards. Be sure to teach your kids this important lesson.
Not only that you’ll earn their respect this way, but you’ll teach them how to be a better person as well. So if you react in a bad way, hurt their feelings and avoid apologizing just because they don’t understand the concept, things can go ugly. They will remember that and demonstrate their discontent either by reacting in the same way or with other method. Silent treatment being the worst one as you won’t know what’s wrong and from where to start to resolve the problem. So be sure to apologize if you’ve had a rough day and yelled at your kid for no reason. Your kids will learn that is perfectly normal to make mistakes but that you should act accordingly afterwards and apologize before anything. So if you’re still wondering how to teach kids respect, start by showing respect and things will change for the better.
Parenting isn’t easy, and that is a fact. But if you learn a couple of tricks or remind yourself of the right thing to do in specific situation things will change. Not only that you’ll feel more accomplished every time a method works, but you’ll also teach your kids a lot. Furthemore, these lessons that they learn while young, will serve them during their lifetime as inspiration to overcome more complex problems than those they had when they think about childhood.
What’s important is to understand that you are their primary source of information and how you react and what you do to teach them how to be a better person greatly affects the development of their character. This includes stages when their character is forming as well. So be the example of a person you want them to become and you won’t have any problems with mood changes, emotional outbursts or any other problems with kids nowadays.